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You see it here...NOW...
The last play in the trilogy...OR RATHER THRILLOGY....Or threequel...Or whatever
Seriously this is the 3rd and last play in this ridiculous farce. I hope its not too awful. Well, actually Im counting on how awesome it is. Its a bit of a departure from my early work...And by my early work I mean a few months ago.
Justice Squad
A One-Act
By
Christian Hegg
The Dragon
The Muffin
Bob Dylan
The Fonz
The Referee
The Professor
The Walking Dessert
Ninjas
Police Chief
VO
Lights up. The stage is set with various crates and a trashcan. Loud 70s funk starts playing.
The Dragon (O.S.)
I said FREEZE, SCUMBAG!
The Professor runs across the stage, entering from SR. The Dragon is hot on his heels. They exit SL. They enter SL, still chasing. The Professor, tweed jacket and all, is trying various juke moves to lose his pursuer. They end up SR
VO
Meet Dan “The Dragon” Dragnet; a cop out to deliver some Hard JUSTICE.
The Professor takes out a switchblade and threatens The Dragon. The Dragon proceeds kick the knife out his hand, and then knocks the Professor out.
The Dragon
Never bring a knife, to a PUNCH FIGHT!
He freezes. The lights dim on SR.
Lights up on SL. The Muffin is playing cards with a ninjas, Bob Dylan and The Referee.
The moment is tense.
VO
Brian MacMuffin AKA The Muffin is a man on patrol. He is bringing the JUSTICE!
The Muffin
Full House!
An extra ace falls out of his sleeve.
A Ninja
No so fast, Meestah Muffin! You are a cheetah!
The Muffin
Yeah, well I was never really good at Parcheesi!
The Muffin proceeds to knock over the table and jumps on it, crushing everyone underneath.
Lights out.
Lights up on CS where a desk with the Police Chief is on the phone, getting increasingly angry. The Dragon and Muffin sit in chairs in front of the desk.
Police Chief AKA The Walking Dessert
Yes….Yes your honor…I understand…
He hangs up the phone.
Police Chief AKA The Walking Dessert
GODDAMIT! I got the mayor breathing down my ass and now you two causing all sorts of trouble on the streets. Kicking a perp in the junk?! Illegal card games?! I’m sick of your so called “police work”!
The Dragon and The Muffin
Chief, I can explain!
Police
I don’t wanna hear it! You two are causing too much trouble on your own! Lets put you together!
The Dragon
I ain’t working with this guy! I work alone!
The Muffin
This guy’s a maniac!
The Dragon
Screw you!
The Muffin
You won’t be able to keep up with me!
The Dragon
Shut up, Strudel!
The Muffin
Its Muffin!
Police Chief
Shut up! Both of you! You’re partners and that’s the end of it! Now get out there! You’ve got jobs to do!
VO
Whether they like it or not, they’ve been put together…FOR JUSTICE…
The Dragon and Muffin get up out of their chairs, face the audience and head down to CS, clearly not happy with the decision.
VO
But soon they realize that despite their differences, they have a lot more in common. WITH JUSTICE!
Woman’s Voice
Help! Someone stop him! He has my purse! Help!
Bob Dylan enters from SR runs across the stage carrying a purse. He runs towards the Dragon and Muffin, where he is clotheslined by the Muffin.
Man’s Voice
Hey! That’s my backpack! That was SO not a fair play!
The Referee runs from SF and is proceeded to get punched and kicked in the junk. Both are carried off by police officers as two stagehands clad in black bring on two rolling office chairs.
The Muffin
I like your gusto!
The Dragon
I like your punches!
The Muffin and Dragon proceed to hop into the chairs and are pushed by stagehands all in black. Their “car” also sports a siren.
Police Band
All units respond! Bank robbery in process!
The Muffin
Step on that accelerator!
VO
The Dragon and The Muffin! Out to distribute some justice…JUSTICE STYLE
Another “car” with ninjas drive off throwing ninjas stars at the Dragon and Muffin cross the stage. The Dragon and Muffin chase them in hot pursuit. They crash their cars and the Dragon and Muffin get out and get surrounded by the ninjas.
The Dragon
What do we do now?!
The Muffin
We pray!
The back screen explodes with an explosion graphic with bold letters reading “THE MUFFIN AND THE DRAGON: JUSTICE SQUAD!” as The Dragon and The Muffin run in slow motion DSC.
Lights out.
This was actually based on another sketch I wrote called Socks and Tank. It was a buddy cop between a guy and a sock puppet. I always loved these buddy cop type movies and I thought why not make one with an inanimate object, but like everything else, its probably been done a dozen times. So with this one, rather than film it, it would be great to see it on stage...And by great, I mean potentially insane.
Its a draw.
So there you go. I finished my trilogy. Should I send it out? I kind of enjoyed writing a play. Maybe I'll actually write one that is...you know...normal?
That'll be the day.
- C
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