Genesis

The band...not some the Bible reference, because then I would have to take this blog in a completely different direction.

So the other day, my roommate, Shawn is listening to one of Genesis' early album, Selling England By The Pound,  which needless to say, is a freaking trainwreck. He was actually listening to it for his own blog, The Album DuJour, (thealbumdujour.blogspot.com). Not because he wanted to, but because he wants to have a better understanding of all types of music. Like me, I want to have a better understanding of being more random and....UGHHH...I totally had something there...

Like this, only more pretentious

 Anyways, during our listening, I got overwhelmed by the pretentiousness of the album and started ranting and raving myself. I spouted lyrics like "Annnnd the Dragon eats the muffiiiiin..." Then a light turned on. This is the album that sparked this blog. The TRUTH COMES OUT.

So I decided to write a play....And I DID! HAHAHAHAHAHA...Ok seriously here it is.

The Dragon Eats the Muffin

A One-Act Play

By

Christian Hegg

Cast of Characters:

The Dragon

The Muffin

The Referee

Bob Dylan

The Walking Dessert

The stage is bare, except for a chair and table. On the table sits a small egg timer.

The Dragon, ears, tail, everything, in a tuxedo, enters SR.  He sits, picks up the egg timer and sets for a certain amount of time.

DRAGON

What sooth! I hunger for the life.

A random track off of Genesis’ Selling England By The Pound starts in the background.

DRAGON

Oh life that cherishes the small things…Thusly…

Bob Dylan, sunglasses and guitar, enters SL.  He comes down to CS.

           

BOB DYLAN

(Incomprehensible singing)

He exits SR

DRAGON

I hunger for the life.

Another random track off the Genesis album starts playing.

DRAGON

The life I seek and its small platitudes. Thusly, I must pursue it at all costs. I want to dance the life to see it trip the Fandango.

Another random track plays.

The Dragon starts to dance, not at all with the music. It is hauntingly beautiful.

The egg timer goes off. The music stops.

The Dragon sits back down. He resets the timer.

Bob Dylan enters from SL. He comes down to CS.

                                               

Bob Dylan

(Incomprehensible singing)

He exits SR.

The Muffin enters from SR. It is dressed in all brown and carries a muffin in each hand. He climbs on top of the table and stands tall. The timer goes off.

                       

The Muffin

Choose life. It is hilarious. Dance the thousand dances. With me.

Another random track plays for 10 seconds. Then stops.

                       

The Muffin

Life is a chosen discovery we must use to find the answers. I welcome it. I am the life.

The Referee, dressed as a traditional referee, enters from SL. He walks and raises both his arms and blows the whistle. It’s a touchdown! He runs to reset the timer.

The Walking Dessert comes in SR. She is glorious.

The Walking Dessert

(in a high pitched voice)

I am a parfait!

She exits SL.

Another random track plays for 5 seconds. Then stops.

The Referee exits SL.

The Muffin

Sanctity and choice. They are the brother and sister of the fandango.

The Dragon

Thusly.

Bob Dylan enters yet again. This time he has a kazoo in the place of his guitar. He comes down to CS. The timer goes off.

Bob Dylan

(Incomprehensible singing and kazoo playing)

Another random track plays. Bob Dylan starts dancing like he has ants in his pants. He then runs up to the table, high fives the Dragon, then exits SL. The music ends.

The Dragon

We are all pawns in the life of choosing. I seek the wondrous lights of tomorrow and yesteryear.

The Muffin

I am the calling of the hour. We must destroy our wants and needs.

He proceeds to eat the first muffin.

The Dragon

I will destroy us in order for life to continue.

He eats the second muffin.

The Referee comes back on stage, carrying two plastic lightsabers. He hands the Dragon and Muffin each a lightsaber. The Dragon and Muffin come CS. The Referee stands between them. He blows his whistle and dances crazily.

Another random track starts playing. The Dragon and Muffin start fighting. The Dragon wins.

The Dragon

I am life. I have eaten the muffin.

Black out

I hope this gets produced. Doubtful. Random thoughts on paper. I found when I was writing this, things just came to me...That, and I wanted to be as annoying as possible in writing. All of it kind of makes no sense. Who am I kidding? None of it does. After I wrote it, I read it and was shocked by the actual structure. I think when it came to creating some sort of arc, I probably succeeded. Ha.  This as far from serious I thought I could get. The thing is, there are probably people out there that will probably take this first one seriously. That would be something.

Wow...This play is REALLY bad. Ha.

Stay tuned.

Let's get it started...

I love theatre. Notice how I spelled it TRE not TER.  Thats right. I went there. Enter SR.


Buy my cookies and read my plays.



Famous playwright Tom Stoppard once said, "Every entrance is an exit somewhere else..." Clearly, he meant "Christian, you are an actor...Write plays..." He was totally talking about me. True story.

Anyways...Theatre...Yes...Love it. As early as I can remember, I have always enjoyed this art form.  Since I saw my very first production, which happened to be a Shakespeare play called "The Comedy of Errors," I have made a point of keeping it a part of my life. I would go on to perform in plays and musicals alike throughout high school, major in theatre in college and continue to tackle its many forms to this very day.  I have managed to act, design and even direct plays and the like. I have to say again. I love theatre. I love the ability to create and bring all the pieces together. To be on stage is one thing, but seeing everything come together is a beautiful and magical thing. Kind of like when you realize that you can get Netflix on your Wii. Its fantastic. Beautiful and magical. 

After being a part of most of the processes, I realized that there was one thing I never really tried...Which was to write a play. Will they be good? Heck no!

Now, granted, I am not trying to make a name for myself as a playwright. To be honest, I just want to write for fun and see what happens. Its a very organic process for me and I really want to explore that.  I have seen many different shows and ideas that have come alive on stage. However, I have never had the time or patience to create something of my own for the stage. As far as writing, I have written a couple of unproduced sketches so I have SOME experience. Well, I wouldn't call it experience. More like "Hey! Look at me! I'm funny! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHehhshhehhhhuhuhuh (insert desperate sobbing)..."

Lets start with this disclaimer. These plays that I write are in no way meant to be taken seriously. However, to some, they could be taken seriously as some sort of Dada-istic, Post-modern, triumphs of the human mind or whatever. That...or they're just signs of how insane I can be...Or hilarious...Its a fine line. But seriously...I don't want your playwright friends giving me a hard time because I'm making fun of them. Please. I'm really writing to make them look even better.

To reiterate: these plays are my attempt to be totally pretentious and in your face. And most likely hilarious. I made sure of it. In the end, I have half a mind to send these as a compilation to various theatre companies and see if any of them will actually get produced. Doubtful, but a man can dream...and possibly not get his plays produced. Did you know thats the real phrase? Seriously...It was originally, A man can dream...then fight Joseph Gordon-Levitt upside-down. Ha.

So heres the deal...I am writing 3 plays...A trilogy...A THRILLOGY...No...wait..A TRIFECTA of plays. Yes. Lets see if I can actually do it..
Lets get started.