Gritty reboots and some other things to be had...

Man, I have not written in this blog for a while. These days, I am working on my web series, Super Life, doing a different show every season, or occasionally doing theatre reviews on my other blog, Muffin Eats Dragon.

Why start another one when I am doing (sorta) another blog about Boston theatre?  Well, the truth is, I need a place to talk about my adventures and observations about my life in the artistic world. Granted, it is very easy to start heading into a negative place with writing, so I want to avoid that. The last few posts have been pretty negative, silly or outright ridiculous.  Those posts were from a while back, so if you feel the need to go back read them, be warned: I make little to no sense in them. Just to give an idea of what the blog used to be specifically, scroll down to the post before.  I wrote silly plays.  Going to try to avoid that.  But, if you wish to produce any of them for some insane reason, check out the first parts, here and here. Let me know. I will be really surprised if someone decided to produce them. Seriously. Strange time in my life.

Anyways, I feel that the Boston artistic scene has been very kind to me. I have been fortunate to have been a part of so many great shows and projects.  However, sometimes, I get confused or find some things to be fairly unusual in my journeys as an actor, singer and now producer. Or, its really a chance for me to talk about things that I see and observe.

So! Going forward, my observations will be based on my personal experiences and my opinions. Thats right. Just my opinions. You, as the reader, may agree or disagree with me, but isn't that the point?  Also, I just want to start writing again. I forget how fun that is, especially because there is so much to talk about.  

A gritty reboot might sound a bit ridiculous, but going forward, I plan on revamping everything and start talking about some fun, confusing, frustrating, silly and most importantly, crazy things I see in this artistic world around me.  I call "RESET".

Anyways, again, going forward. New words. New challenges. New feels.

Stay tuned.

The last, the great....THE FURIOUS

And here it is...as promised...The last play I will ever write.

Seriously...THIS POTENTIALLY IS MIND BLOWING

Justice Squad

A One-Act

By

Christian Hegg

The Dragon

The Muffin

Bob Dylan

The Fonz

The Referee

The Professor

The Walking Dessert

Ninjas

Police Chief

VO

Lights up. The stage is set with various crates and a trashcan. Loud 70s funk starts playing.

The Dragon (O.S.)

I said FREEZE, SCUMBAG!

The Professor runs across the stage, entering from SR.  The Dragon is hot on his heels. They exit SL. They enter SL, still chasing. The Professor, tweed jacket and all, is trying various juke moves to lose his pursuer. They end up SR

VO

Meet Dan “The Dragon” Dragnet; a cop out to deliver some Hard JUSTICE.

The Professor takes out a switchblade and threatens The Dragon. The Dragon proceeds kick the knife out his hand, and then knocks the Professor out.

The Dragon

Never bring a knife, to a PUNCH FIGHT!

He freezes. The lights dim on SR.

Lights up on SL. The Muffin is playing cards with a ninjas, Bob Dylan and The Referee.

The moment is tense.

VO

Brian MacMuffin AKA The Muffin is a man on patrol. He is bringing the JUSTICE!

The Muffin

Full House!

An extra ace falls out of his sleeve.

A Ninja

No so fast, Meestah Muffin! You are a cheetah!

The Muffin

Yeah, well I was never really good at Parcheesi!

The Muffin proceeds to knock over the table and jumps on it, crushing everyone underneath.

Lights out. 

Lights up on CS where a desk with the Police Chief is on the phone, getting increasingly angry. The Dragon and Muffin sit in chairs in front of the desk.

Police Chief AKA The Walking Dessert

Yes….Yes your honor…I understand…

He hangs up the phone.

Police Chief AKA The Walking Dessert

GODDAMIT! I got the mayor breathing down my ass and now you two causing all sorts of trouble on the streets.  Kicking a perp in the junk?! Illegal card games?! I’m sick of your so called “police work”!

The Dragon and The Muffin

Chief, I can explain!

Police

I don’t wanna hear it! You two are causing too much trouble on your own! Lets put you together!

The Dragon

I ain’t working with this guy! I work alone!

The Muffin

This guy’s a maniac!

The Dragon

Screw you!

The Muffin

You won’t be able to keep up with me!

The Dragon

Shut up, Strudel!

The Muffin

Its Muffin!

Police Chief

Shut up! Both of you! You’re partners and that’s the end of it! Now get out there! You’ve got jobs to do!

VO

Whether they like it or not, they’ve been put together…FOR JUSTICE…

The Dragon and Muffin get up out of their chairs, face the audience and head down to CS, clearly not happy with the decision.

VO

But soon they realize that despite their differences, they have a lot more in common. WITH JUSTICE!

Woman’s Voice

Help! Someone stop him! He has my purse! Help!

Bob Dylan enters from SR runs across the stage carrying a purse. He runs towards the Dragon and Muffin, where he is clotheslined by the Muffin.

Man’s Voice

Hey! That’s my backpack! That was SO not a fair play!

The Referee runs from SF and is proceeded to get punched and kicked in the junk. Both are carried off by police officers as two stagehands clad in black bring on two rolling office chairs.

The Muffin

I like your gusto!

The Dragon

I like your punches!

The Muffin and Dragon proceed to hop into the chairs and are pushed by stagehands all in black. Their “car” also sports a siren.

Police Band

All units respond! Bank robbery in process!

The Muffin

Step on that accelerator!

VO

The Dragon and The Muffin! Out to distribute some justice…JUSTICE STYLE

Another “car” with ninjas drive off throwing ninjas stars at the Dragon and Muffin cross the stage. The Dragon and Muffin chase them in hot pursuit. They crash their cars and the Dragon and Muffin get out and get surrounded by the ninjas.

The Dragon

What do we do now?!

The Muffin

We pray!

The back screen explodes with an explosion graphic with bold letters reading “THE MUFFIN AND THE DRAGON: JUSTICE SQUAD!” as The Dragon and The Muffin run in slow motion DSC.

Lights out.

Thats right...Its a freakin